Baby Miller was taken home March 31, 2007 ~
As I write today my heart trembles and my mind wanders ~for how does one memorialize a child they were never able to meet. I know many have gone before us down this path and I have been blessed to walk beside a handful of them as I watched the Lord in His faithfulness uphold them through the loss. The Lord prepares us in different ways and in His mercy He has done so on our behalf. This week I was studying and my devotional book lead me to Lam 3:1-26 and Romans 5:1-5 and along with those verses the Lord reminded me of songs that I have been singing to the girls all week- only He knew I would need them this weekend.
I was 13 weeks yesterday, the chances of a miscarriage at this point and after seeing a strong heartbeat (at 9 weeks), measuring correctly, and being healthy were less than 3% but Saturday morning I knew that we were the 2-3%. I tried so hard to not go there in my mind (for I didn't want to dwell if it weren't truly happening) but the tears flowed and I begged God to hold me no matter what He allowed to happen. I went through the morning with the girls and did the chores and prepared for their family party that was to be that evening. As I was getting the girls ready, after naps, for the party the reality set in and I knew what God had allowed.
It was a difficult weekend- labor. Physically my body has a finished the labor and now the healing begins. Emotionally I am here and there. "Here" in the reality of living for today and for eternity and "there" in the sense of thinking about what might have been and all the while knowing that my baby is gone and it is real and yet not the end.
"My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ' The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" Lamentations 3:30-24
So we grieve, and yet we are at peace and we know that is because of the Peace Giver, the Life Giver, Our Christ. He knows our pain and we rest in Him and we know He will use this life, as tiny as it was, for His glory. We know we have an army of dear friends and family who will and have surrounded us in prayer and for that we praise God! We are healing and each day brings new mercies. Though we know our child is one of many with the LORD,we remember our baby today and thank God for our child's life.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I will fear no evil, for You are with me." Psalm 23.4
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Just Us
Some moments captured by me and shared with those of you who we aren't able to see as often as we would like. Nothing too deep, nothing too serious (most of the time), and a hint of sarcasm here and there (not me!)--just life lived daily and a way for us to connect with those of you most precious to us.